Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
