On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
