ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
