Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
