I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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