my phone needs a breathalizer
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize