oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize