No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
