my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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