don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
