In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
