Define "chronic" masturbator.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
