hell yes lets make some ravioli
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
