I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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