I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Randomize
