The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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