remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Girls should come with a carfax report
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
