WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
