I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
