Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
