how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
