she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
