I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
