I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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