Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Randomize
