your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm gonna have a badass scar
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
