Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
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