is your mom at the bar?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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