I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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