when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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