tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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