Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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