Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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