i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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