Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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