I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I woke up under a house in Key West
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