things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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