Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
