dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
