nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
