i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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