Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize