apparently the secret to your success is patron
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
