Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
