it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
