I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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