apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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