you traded sex for a burrito?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
