I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
