so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You're like the curious george of whores
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
