is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
only if we run a train.
done.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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