sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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