So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
