i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
