I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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