it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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