omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
How's work?
Spinning.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
