yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
