After last night, I could never be a politician.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
