so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
