Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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