no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize